How’s that for a post title? A bit long or perfectly all encompassing?
I’m posting a check-in more for my own sake than anything else, as I doubt there was any notice of my extended absence. Although I have been known to disappear for awhile at previous times, this time away was different. Different in the sense that it wasn’t just that I was busy; it was perhaps that something was telling me that time-away was what was needed.
Part I - Where I’ve been
If you are a regular reader here you may remember that at the end of last year COVID hit pretty damn close to home and that event, even outside of COVID times would have and, did require some time to just be. I posted about that in January and then did not post anything until March.
In March I posted and offered up the suggestion to revitalize a previous blog community theme, March Questions. I was a bit surprised by how that idea was circulated in our blog community, unexpected to put it simply but probably best left for another post. That unintentionally led me to a temporary silence, which in turn became an extended silence. Until now, where we are today at the end of June; days away from the 4th of July which to me has always marked the height of Summer.
Where have I been? Amongst other things, busy with relationship retrospects is the best summation, but short on answers.
On related topics to this blog I have been analyzing, perhaps over-analyzing some past relationships, current ones and hopefully future ones.
The goals and results of mainstream online dating.
I had dated a girl for awhile, but that ended in early 2020, right before the world shut down. The relationship was full of promise, but unfortunately she was not of our lifestyle preferences. I was honest with her about mine, but due to many other things this relationship wasn’t meant to be. Plus there were various everyday things that were already triggers to her that to add in the elements of domestic discipline and spanking were really going to make that relationship an extra challenge. I have no intent on traumatizing anyone so perhaps in retrospect it is all for the best.
I have recently been seeing another girl who in her own personal journey has become honest with herself and what she needs in a relationship. Very similar to what a lot of the female bloggers here have gone through. She had opened up to previous partners and unfortunately they weren’t having any of it. Now divorced and single, and older and wiser perhaps, she has been straight forward with what she wants/needs. I apparently fill that role. Completely, according to her.
The problem is that I’m afraid I may only be attracted to her because of her deep submissive traits. Is she a good person, honest, fun, etc.? Yes, yes and mostly yes. So what is the problem? The problem is that spark of attraction and lust isn’t quite lit. It is not lit instantly nor burning intently as I would want it to be. Not only do I want the intense attraction, I also want the familiarity of joint interests, of conversations on deeper levels, plus a sprinkling of common points of reference. All of that covered by a deep layer of our dominant and submissive roles.
I know some guys out there might be screaming at the screen upon reading this. Let me explain something. I have never really been the guy to just “hit it” because the opportunity is there. I’ve had my fair share of those, but I have passed. I know, I know. Trust me, the guys I hung out with were and would be disappointed with me. Sorry gents, but truthfully (and in general terms), I need that intense desire and connection.
Some of you may say, just indulge in the games we play with no need for a relationship and deep feelings. Well that is where this girl has her own needs and requirements, she doesn’t want to play without the goal of a long term monogamous relationship.
Do you see the predicament?
I know some of you may not be able to relate for either being in a long term committed relationships and/or are okay with play outside of primary relationships, seeing play with others as a non-issue.
So I find myself again at a crossroad where I feel the right thing to do is let this relationship go and move on. Move on with the hope that something is out there that fits all my needs just right, on all levels.
Am I asking for far too much? Should I just take what is offered for there is no guarantee of tomorrow? Or do I follow some vague dream that something is out there that fulfills all my needs? A vague dream fed by fiction and non-detailed online truths of others. Fueled by my very own, now vague recollections of past experiences and relationships with girls that seemingly shared exactly what I needed/need.
Or is it all due to that I’m searching for exotic flavors at the primarily vanilla only shops? And yet the dedicated exotic only shops tend to raise all sorts of their own unique trust issues for me. Plus, the struggle that my preferences, in those comparisons, often seem so out of place:
“Excuse me, do you have anything on the menu that isn’t extra spicy?
Not looking for no spice, not mild; but something not four chilies hot perhaps?”
Oh enzo, I'm so sorry about the relationships that didn't work out. But I would say, go with your gut and your heart. And don't settle for anything that seems to you to be settling. If it isn't quite a perfect fit, but you'll be happy enough with it, then go for it. But if it's not, you'll know best if it's worth carrying on.ReplyDelete
My situation is NOT the perfect / ideal one either, but it's good enough. And that's not the same as feeling as though I'm settling. So I carry on. U know what I mean?
I think everyone has different thresholds tho, so do what feels best for you.
Glad to see you post.
Hi Fondles - Thank you so much for the sentiments.ReplyDelete
I actually do know what you mean about the difference between being okay with things not being perfect vs settling. I’ve actually been there before.
Unfortunately, my current situation is closer to settling and more importantly I worry about her feelings and misleading her, which is not my intent.
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate it.
Perhaps I am just repeating what you stated, but here goes. A long term committed spanking relationship is a wonderful thing but unfortunately it can be rare. So, there are two questions you need to ask. First, how long do you want to wait to find one that is more satisfactory? Second, how well does she meet your non spanking desires? If she does not do so now, is she capable of doing so in the future; can you guide her toward the direction you wish? As we get older, it becomes increasingly difficult to locate the "right" partner and keep in mind that your desires will also alter as you age. Will she be satisfactory in your advanced maturity, or will she seem like an anchor around your neck? Suggest a trial period to see how it works for each of you and if it does not then separate. Good Luck
Rick - Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts.ReplyDelete
I understand everything you are saying and that is why I feel as if I sound totally ungrateful for having found someone who is interested in a committed spanking relationship. I am not ungrateful. I am fully aware that I have been fortunate enough to have had some great experiences as that is not the case for everyone.
Yes, as we get older the chances of finding the right someone seem evermore difficult, but if time is fleeting isn’t that why we should carry on the search?
The real issue is the non-spanking part of the relationship. It isn’t so much as molding someone into something more like you prefer, but enjoying the person fully for who they are. And that unfortunately is where things fall short.
I am also fully aware that our desires alter with age, but that is even more so why I feel that the attraction has to be more than the lifestyle.
Appreciate your thoughts, it helps process my own.
Hello. I’m new to reading your Blog and actually, probably a “lurker”! But I wanted to share my thoughts from a woman’s perspective on your current relationship. If there is no spark and not some of the boxes are checked, then I say “keep looking”! If you settle, I guarantee you will regret it and probably end up hurting her feelings more because she will be even more committed to you and likely feeling “safe” in the DD Relationship. I’m not an expert, I’ve been married for 15 years and I wouldn’t say I “settled”, but there is no spanking in our marriage and I wish there was…don’t settle! 😃ReplyDelete
Hello Anonymous - Thanks for reading, but importantly for taking the leap to commenting! Welcome.ReplyDelete
I agree with your advice about settling. If you re-read some of the previous comments you can see that is where I was leaning. Thank you for sharing, I truly appreciate it.
I really should do an update post on this and let readers know what I decided (that is if anyone would be interested).
Feel free to comment anytime and if you do so, please leave a name (doesn't have to be your real name, but a consistent name). It helps connect the comments.