Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Feeling Hypocritical?

Fair warning - This is a much more serious natured reflection than what I regularly post. 

I am not a big NFL football fan. As some of you may have picked up on, I prefer my football in the european variety. Yes, yes I know, very non-American and unpatriotic of me. Report me to the authorities and revoke my citizenship.

American football is a sport not played out on an international level and thus part of the reason I am not a big fan. In its defense, at least it doesn't pretend to as other sports do (cough..MLB…cough).  However, I imagine if it were on a world level it might be similar to the World Basketball Championship. Which think about it, is that really even fair? Is it any surprise who won this year? 

I digress.


If you follow the NFL, American sports channels, or simply follow American broadcast news, you are well aware of the Ray and Janay Rice abuse story. I won't repeat it here; if you are unaware of the details it is easily found online - everywhere.

In simple straight-forward judgement of another man - He was wrong for hitting her. Period.

Not looking to go into all the sides of this issue; her "role" in this, his "remorse", the NFL's role and lack of action or over-reaction to some, etc. 

Rather, what I have been running through my head over an over recently is focused on how this relates to this spanking desire we all share. In particular the domestic discipline lifestyle some of us choose to live. 

I have a problem with punching out a woman, striking her down and having her hit her head further resulting in her going out cold. This to me is domestic abuse. I think very little of the man who threw that punch.

But then I stop. 

I am a man who has no problem spanking a women's bare bottom until her bottom is throbbing and her skin tone is flushed red and radiating heat. I have no problem belting or paddling or intensely spanking a woman's behind until she breaks down in tears of pain and remorse. 

How is this different?

There is underlying consent. I don't need to explain it to you readers.

But what does the outside world see? Do most people see spanking as the same thing as punching a woman in the elevator during a heated argument?

I believe a lot of them do.

I may see it as different. It is different. I know the difference.

But I also know most of American society's view.

I believe this is why husbands who are introduced into domestic discipline lifestyles and asked to be the dominant partners are weary. Rightfully so.

Like the Rice scandal perhaps there would be some acceptance behind closed doors. A high five upon telling a friend that you spank your wife and "put her in her place" on occasion as needed. But it is a blurred line that might also high five a punch to the same…sadly.

Furthermore, the moment these actions would become public, the support would be gone. Charges could easily be pressed and judgement passed if nothing else. Judgement not only of the man involved, but judgement of the woman as well… and none very supportive. 

Ice that bitter-sweet cake with the fact that on numerous occasions, not only did I commit the act of instilling some much needed, well-deserved firm discipline; but on many of those  occasions I also took pleasure in it. 


  1. Agreed, WE know there's a difference, but to an outsider, it may seem otherwise. Sometimes I don't understand how vanillas couldn't get that this is consensual, but, every now and then a mainstream reporter will write an article about a "horrific" domestic discipline website he/she saw, and the comments will come pouring in about how women who do it must be brainwashed, are forced into it, just don't know any better, etc...

    For example, here's an article from The Daily Beast about CDD:


  2. Thanks Autumn, I remember that article from when it was first published. I found it through the Jezebel article that was an agreeing response to the original :

    I remember it getting me a riled up.

    You read the comments on either article, and similar articles, and you realize why so many people aren't/can't readily be open about DD and spanking in general.

    I think the NFL scandals (as the stories continue to unfold daily or so it seems) will only do more harm as everything gets grouped together in one negative package. "Abusing your wife or spanking your wife - what's the difference?"

  3. Of course there is a difference. Where I diverge, is not on whether it's a spanking or a slap in the face: it's consent. I could not slap or punch a woman in the face (unless she was trying to kill me). However, I do understand that some do it for sexual gratification. Not my thing in any way, but people are free to choose what they do consensually. On the same thing, I consider a non-consensual spanking (other than consensual/non consent) to be as much of a violation as a punch or slap in the face.
    As for hi fiving, when a husband or dominant puts his partner "in her place" with a spanking, I would pass. Unless I knew this was a consensual dynamic I would probably respond rather negatively. If it's not consensual, he's a moron for telling me.
    As for your blistering a woman's bottom until she is red and sore; I assume consent is the core of this. She came to you, you didn't "coerce or force" someone to accept her punishment.
    Spanking, at least consensual, is becoming somewhat more accepted,especially as foreplay (discipline less so). I don't really do discipline because of issues I have that took me a long time to accept (spanking IS striking a woman). However, in consensual DD I've no issue with it. The public probably takes a dimmer view.
    To answer the last phrase, spanking your wife, against her will is abusing your wife. Consensually, of course, it's not.

    PS I don't get the religious natural order of a man spanking his wife. Anytime you talk about this "natural order" gors or religious based, if not consensual goes right to the heart of the matter.


  4. Hi Rob,

    Thanks for commenting. Not sure if you are a new reader or regular reader; regardless I am glad you commented. Apparently this struck a chord with you.

    Yes, it is all about consent and that was my point on what makes it all different yet still so hard to explain.

    Not sure if my comment about the high fiving someone who puts his partner "in her place " was clear. What I was getting at is that lines become blurry when we don't know the whole story and aren't part of the actual relationships to know consents, limits and actual interactions. In relationships it is all about underlying consent and trust.

    On another note entirely, there is a whole other side of spanking and discipline which is pure fantasy which I have not touched upon here. In brief, how is is that we can get sexual gratification from reading about or watching videos about non-consensual spankings and discipline yet don't don't believe in non-consent in reality? Now try to explain THAT to someone who doesn't share this interest in the least.

    Thanks again for commenting. Appreciate it.

  5. Since today is LOL (Love our Lurkers):

    It very EASY to see how "vanillas" don't get it. Look at the terminology frequently used --
    1. she deserved it
    2. she had it coming
    3. put her in her place
    4. bad girl
    5. I deserved it

    and there are more. Obviously is a healthy CONSENSUAL relationship; this can make scene or discipline really hot. But to "outsiders" it's hard to know when these are used to repress rather than excite. Consensual D/D vs. abusive.

    Obviously those into it know. But to the rest, it's not so easily discerned, especially since true victims are so reluctant to come forward. They will frequently say they deserved it or he put me in my place and so on.

    "Outsiders" don't or can't differentiate or don't know the difference between passion & erotica vs abuse. Domestic discipline (which I don't do) vs. abuse done in anger.

    I wish I had an easy answer for this.

    Rob (again)

  6. Thanks for pointing me toward this post. That "consent" word makes all the difference in the world, doesn't it?

    When you inflict our special kind of pain on a woman, you know in advance that she wants it (even if she's role-playing that she doesn't). I'm thinking that Ray Rice didn't clear it with his wife before he knocked her unconscious, y'know?

  7. Thanks for stopping by Erica and taking the time to comment.

    Consent is such a small word, but so important and yet so hard to explain.

    I just don't think people see the difference; to admit that I enjoy spanking a woman...well to most people, I might as well admit to condoning what Ray Rice did.


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