Tuesday, May 12, 2015

A Good Deeds App Service

Hope you all had a great Mothers Day, especially all the spankable Moms out here. 

I was prepared to treat you all to a very special Mothers Day story, but I decided to hold back on the story as I was sidetracked this morning. Instead I've decided to share my random thoughts on my morning experience today. 


If you frequent here often you know of my life in the Big City and how my commute plays a big part in my everyday experiences.

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So this morning, I was walking down the street as I once again serendipitously ran into a girl in a possible predicament. I once again had to pause and question if I should intercede or not.  

On an otherwise normal cold and lonely monday city morning, a girl on her way to work walked pasted me in the opposite direction striding past in no particular hurry. Of course I did the instinctual rear-view check as she passed. And as I did, I noticed something not quite right.  She was wearing black leggings, skin tight and noticeably transparent, with a  black blouse just resting over the arch of her bottom cheeks. Her full cheeks were defined, outlined and her tight rear valley clearly exposed through the thin fabric. As  looked closer I noticed that she possibly had a on a light jersey skirt as well, but that material was hiking up around her waist and just centimeters below her blouse.

So here is where my confusion sets in and my predicament begins.

Was she unintentionally exposing her bottom cheeks due to her skirt riding up?
Or was she just wearing layers of shirts and no skirt (with what I thought was a skirt was possibly just another shirt) over a pair of very tight, stretched-to-sheer leggings?

What was throwing me was that all her clothes were black so it wasn't easily distinguishable. Also to  emphasize again they were leggings and not tights based on their material.

So should I stop her and do the gentlemanly thing and tell her she was unknowingly giving a free show?

Or should I just let her go on her way and avoid being questioned on my fashion police credentials?

I have been faced without this numerous times within my City travels and have written about it here and other places, plus an elaborate story here

And all the times, I simply don't get it.

Is skirt location not something on the checklist before going out the door ladies?

  • Keys - check
  • Bag  check
  • Cellphone -  check
  • Skirt pulled down  not check?

All to which I answer in my eloquent one phrase reply of – Huh?
Why ladies is this so hard? Why?

Anyways, I did the gentlemanly thing as I always do, caught up with her and tapped her on the shoulder after having called out to her repeatedly (as she was wearing headphones and oblivious to the world. Which by the way is a huge pet peeve of mine. Remember safety first ladies).

"Excuse me Miss."

I was greeted by annoyed dow-eyed look.

"Sorry. I don't know how to say this but….

Well I think you are wearing a skirt. 
It's ridden up. 
On the back."

"Oh." strangely staring into me blankly.
She cranes her neck to see over her back and then refocuses on me connecting the invisible dots. She shakes her head in perplexed disagreement as if to question if I truly just admitted to staring at her butt in public. 

Rather than question me she stops walking, scowls and "OK. OK." 's me away.

I walked on after she has stopped and I turn around a few yards up and see her fiddling with her clothes.

I still wasn't sure was she was wearing, but regardless she made me feel awkward for what I thought was helping her out. Sorry I wasn't being creepy - At least I did not think I was.


Perhaps that is auto response when a guy, in a suit, older than you by a decade, stops you on a city side street and basically tells you that you are exposing your ass because your skirt rode up.


Or that you are exposing your ass because you haven't swapped out those pair of worn leggings that you know in the back of your mind are too sheer and keep trying to get another use out because they are so "darn comfortably soft now".


Not to get into a heavy discussion here, but keeping it light and on the surface; 

What would you have done?
OR 
What should I have done?

And as I have asked before, is it that hard really Ladies to do a check  before you walk out the door? 

Apparently it is. 

Well, I have a solution for this nonsense in my house
Whenever leggings are to be worn outside of the house by My Girl, I always demand she submit to the Lululemon Inspection; as beautifully demonstrates below:


"Bend over and grab the wall, young lady!

Stick that big ass up and out, now!

Remember, if I can see your smiling crack,
 the only place you are going in those leggings
is over my knee."


With that, I'll be here awaiting comments. All while I sip my evening coffee and question my well intentioned actions taken and if my well intended actions would be better received in the  form of a good deeds morning service for city-girls before they leave for work in the morning....

Knock, knock.

"Good morning, I am here sent by the DISSLY app.
Yes, I am your Daily Inspection Service of Sheer Leggings Driver today. 

Yes, where you are will do. 
Just bend over, grab on tight [and pray for small mercies].

Well, unfortunately for you the forecast isn't sunny at all. 
In fact, it clearly looks like a rather large, early pale moonrise.

Don't worry, as you read on my DISSLY profile I have plenty of experience 
dealing with this and I'll take care of you.

In fact, you'll be hopping [as well as rubbing and squirming] on your way to work in no time. That is, as soon as we get you changed out of those poor excuse for leggings. 
But of course not before we treat your tight pale ass to a thorough, sizzling morning
bottom toasting."

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Also, if you haven't played "Would You Rather…"  game from my previous post, don't miss out as time is running out before I close the polls. It  has turned out to be a more popular game than I thought. 

2 comments:

Our Bottoms Burn said...

On the open street I would probably say nothing and just enjoy the view. Perhaps you should get a Go-Cam for your morning walk.

Enzo said...

Thanks for commenting Bogey.

A Go-Cam might be too obvious LOL.
Honestly I have often wished I had spy type recording glasses to film some of the outfits and things I see - so often unbelievable.